And Yet Another Ripple...

I believed at one time that life should be as calm and transcendent as the stillest water just before the sun says its goodnight and gently dips its lips to seal the promise of tomorrow. That beautiful peaceful glow, the smooth glass-like appearance. It was the nearest thing to heaven that I could imagine and it filled me with desires and hopes that I, a small town girl, could experience it all, could help those who couldn't, and that my tiny life, would remain in this constant state of peace. I wanted to believe this peaceful kind of love more than anything else and prayed my hopes and desires to magically become truth...to become real. I would achieve this through love, the one thing, in this life, I wanted more than life itself. 

That love I speak of, that wave-crashing, all-encompassing love seems to elude me and toy with me almost ritualistically.  As if I myself a wave, desperate for the shore, ebb to and fro and as quickly as I reach the shore, the all-mighty ocean yields its power over me and pulls me back into the fold once more leaving me drenched, hungrier, unable to stand still against its power, and once more, hungry to touch the sand again...

I've often wondered where I do belong, where will my soul find the slight nurturing it needs from time to time, and I am reminded both thunderously and gently...the ocean my dear...the ocean, from where you began and to where once again you will return. 

To Drown Or Not...

Isn't it a little funny how life can either take you completely under or leave you floating atop with the anticipation of going under at any moment?  In the narrowing of a split second, your entire world can suddenly change right underneath you without warning, leave you breathless and before you have had time to analyze that, it is once again changed.  Me? I'm an advocate of loving change for the most part.  I think it strengthens our person, teaches us that nothing in this life is permanent, nothing at all, and in order to survive it, you must be expecting these inevitable changes regularly. 

I tend to agree with Buddha's theory of understanding you are not here to live a fun and good life, but rather a life of strife and woe.  See this, know it, accept it and when you have a moment you consider precious, be ever more thankful for it because it isn't going to last. 

Don't get me wrong, I would for once like to have something in my life that literally moves me, that creates an absolute peace inside, that pushes me to want to be a better woman. Perhaps that is the next stage in this mystery we call life or perhaps this is simply as good as it will ever get here on this earth.  Sobering to think.  Aw, hell..all this because I'm avoiding delving into my algebra homework tonight. ;)  Perhaps Buddha could have offered up tips for algebra before he left.  ☺

Incredible shrinking me...

Thought my youthful frame was something in the far, distant past.  Did I mention I love being wrong at times, especially with regards to this?   Shed some negativity, get active and just a little bit of excitement can change many things.   Okay, sure I lost my job, have remained single for years now and my skin is aging by the day.  Those are definitely all changes but somehow they have managed to bring me full circle to the girl I used to remember being.  Sadly, I thought she was long gone.  She was never gone...just clouded by other factors.  Where will I be in the next year, who knows and at this point, who cares?  I'm happy today.  I'm smiling.  I have this silly giddiness inside and I appreciate it completely because I know all to well, I could wake up tomorrow and be nothing but a crumpled rag doll. 

Blogging 101....Kim-style

I miss blogging.  I am a Yahoo-360 refugee.  I tried Multiply, but it just didn't deliver.  So gonna give blogger a trial run.  The one thing I loved about blogged is I was an emotional blogger.  My mood completely reflected my blogs.  It was my diary of sorts.  I think back on the many friends I collected and still have to this day.  Great friendships.  I often reflect on the simple fact of the internet.  I'm still amazed.  Yeah, call me simplistic. I love that.   Simple fact is without the cyberworld, I would have never had the great fortune to encounter the great people I have.

I don't do well with people who try to cram their religions, political agendas, or narrowminded attitudes down your throat.  I want to hear what you have to say, and I respect it, but go sell your snake oils somewhere else.  I can be a serious blogger, but mostly, I'm the biggest goofy nerd.  I love to laugh, at you and myself. ;) 

Being my first blog, I've got a lot to learn on this site.  Like can I post pics, and videos?  I'm a huge visual creature.  So my engine has been started and now I'm off to see what kind of trouble I can get myself into this morning. ♥